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30 December 2010

#365 Make a child

I land at the airport in Malmo after two weeks in Egypt. I’ve been away on one of my charter trips. I try to do one per year. Be by myself. Catch up on my reading. Fall asleep when I want, and waking up when I want.

I’m met by a cheerful E. She always has a difficult time admitting that she has missed me, but I can always tell by the way she hugs me. They’re a little harder, a little longer. We sit in the car and she talks about Christmas. Relatives, friends and the night out on Christmas Day. I think about I’ve missed hearing her talk. The constant flow. No room for breathing. No breaks. I smile and think how I’ve missed her too.

When we get to the burger joint to buy some burgers to eat at her mother's apartment, where we will spend the night, my phone rings. It's my dad. We talk about Egypt, the need for rest and other things. I don’t remember all the details.

Fast forward to E's mother's apartment. View over the rooftops. It’s the end of December and it's cold. It is nothing compared with Egypt but I am glad to be home again. Everything is as usual. Almost everything. Almost nothing.

E comes out from the toilet with her pants down at her ankles. She is holding something in her hand and stumbles through the hall crying. I turn around and look at her. She jumps up and down:

- We’re going to have a baby.

I land in my body after 25 years of life. I'm going to be a father.

Text: Navid Modiri

Required time: 
1 hour or less
Cost: 
Free.
Cons: 
For a short period living together might feel like a baby factory. Sometimes you need to have sex at times that aren’t not optimal just because she’s ovulating. Listen to each other and try to be sensitive and kind. Try to avoid shame and performance anxiety as best you can. You’ll have that thrown in your face then when you become parents anyway.
Pros: 
Life will never be the same as before. The change is monumental from the first second you’re standing in her mother's kitchen jumping. You will lie in sleepless wonder. You will cry and you will laugh. You probably won’t understand a thing until the baby’s there and then you’ll know even less. Try to enjoy it. Treat your child’s mother to massages, tasty and healthy food and peace and quiet. Treat yourself to one another.
29 December 2010

#364 Tell someone what you like

Men are a funny breed. Not just because they insist on showing their dicks to each other, or say that they love each other when they’re drunk, but just because they’re a funny race, pure and simple. Not just because of dick related phenomenon like the helicopter and teabagging, but because they are a funny race that constantly have to assert themselves. How many vagina related games or phenomena are there? When I think about it, it is perhaps a shame that there aren’t more of them. It might be more equal if the female gender included as much as genitalia slapstick as the male equivalent appears to. Or that might be sinking to our level. A level where you’re degraded to a funny race that no one really takes seriously because it comprises a bunch of testosterone fueled alpha males who like snuff, hockey and can’t talk about feelings but are good at starting wars, rape and being sad singer-songwriters.

One of the funniest and also the saddest things about the male species is that the majority of all men think all women love to be penetrated. If you ask 100 guys, 90 of them will most likely sure that they:

1. Have given a girl an orgasm through vaginal intercourse.

2. That all the girls they’ve had sex with have enjoyed it.

3. That they are awesome in bed.

With all due respect to the 90 guys, I won’t formulate the truthful reply. Let’s just put it this way: That’s probably not entirely accurate.

One of the best things that happened to me was when I got stopped during sex once and heard the words: No, do this instead. It’s a lot nicer. At first I was pissed. I was angry because I couldn’t show her my moves. But I did as she said, and suddenly everything was different. It sounded and seemed to me that she was actually enjoying it. Since then I’ve always tried to find out how this applies in real life and also telling others exactly how I want it. I mean, what if I were to be penetrated by a girl during sex and then had to pretend to like it. How would that feel?

Text: Navid Modiri

Required time: 
1 week or more.
Cost: 
Free.
Cons: 
Your partner could be offended by the fact that you’ve said what you like and take it as criticism. Explain the situation calmly.
Pros: 
The sex will be on your terms. It’ll be nice. Your partners don’t have to do things that you don’t think is nice and they won’t be with a person who’s faking pleasure, which isn’t fun to find out after the event.
28 December 2010

#363 Stalk someone with style

Would you let that beard into your home?

Would you let that beard into your home?

Today’s guest blogger is Farzad Farzaneh, and he thought he was the only one in Sweden with that name. Until he Googled himself. And started a blog.

Stalking is a phenomenon spontaneously pretty gross. The first image that comes to me when I hear the word is a sweaty and wheezy man standing in some bushes that gets off on looking into a lit kitchen observing his victims doing everyday things:

23:13: She scratched her head.

23:22: She looks in the fridge, but doesn’t take anything out.

23:58: She gets naked and lies down under the covers.

Or the stalker is an evil person with evil motives. Like an ex-boyfriend with too much testosterone who’s dropped everything to stalk his former girlfriend. We have seen it on films, we don’t like it, we might even be disgusted by it. Most would agree: a stalker is a disturbed person in need of help!

But there can also be more or less harmless and actually pretty pleasant motives that drive us to stalk someone. It could actually be about loving the spontaneous and adventurous in life. The driving force can of course be to step out of the gray daily routine and going with your impulses. Going all-in can be a little scary. But go for it man.

This spring I learned that there’s a man living just a few blocks away from me that has the exact same name as me. And when I’m not called Anders Andersson but Farzad Farzaneh! An incredibly rare name in Sweden. The fascination made me want to know more about and to get closer to this man. I followed my intuition and allowed myself to be a little crazy. At the risk of treading ever so lightly on his toes, I initiated a project that was about finding out more about him and then seeing where that’d lead me. I gave the project a name and with the first 365-post in mind I started a blog as well - as a way to keep a record of my work. One day my project ceased to be about spectating. It was when my "victim" (an extremely ungrateful word in the context) got in touch with me and told me to stop exposing his life on the Internet. Since I’m only a little crazy, I did as he said and censored most of my posts. It's all about stalking with style and dignity. But the blog is up and I got a promise of having coffee together. How that went, you can read about here.

Required time: 
1 week or more
Cost: 
Free.
Cons: 
The border between cool and uncool is sometimes extremely thin. You can lose sight of yourself and in the worst case scenario your behavior can be perceived as harassment and could be reported to the police.
Pros: 
Your life becomes an exciting TV-series of events and if you play your cards right you may have gained a new friend by the end of it.
27 December 2010

#362 Go to a quiz

I love theme nights. To go out and meet your buddies for a drink is one thing but to do it around an event or a theme is to level up. From table tennis clubs, masquerades and karaoke to a trend that I think is very funny: Quizzes.

The most fun with quiz nights, isn’t competing. The funniest thing is watching people who can’t combine alcohol with the fact that they are the world's worst losers. Glasses are thrown through windows, profanities are shouted left and right and relationships end during quiz nights. Not only will you learn everything about Ingmar Bergman's films, you may also witness wrestling-like fights first hand.

Text: Navid Modiri

Required time: 
1 day or less
Cost: 
More than €10.
Cons: 
You can fight with your friends or get beaten by a stranger.
Pros: 
You could learn all about Ingmar Bergman and get to see an argument close up.
26 December 2010

#361 Be an extra in a movie

Some things have to be experienced to be understood. Giving birth, hiding from enemy aircrafts and planning an event. You don’t know miserable the experience is until you’re there at 08.00 and realize you don’t have a power outlet, that the midwife has terrible breath or that someone’s taken a crap in the shelter and that there isn’t any toilet paper.

Watching films and making films are two entirely different things. By being included as an extra in a movie you will give you a small glimpse of what a hell it can be.

It all took place one dark November night in Malmö, where I was as an extra in a friend's short film. The film would be a few minutes long and he had already put several months of preparation into it. The scene we were shooting took place outside a hotel and I was to walk past one of the main actors who, in the film, was waiting for his girlfriend.

The whole thing took eight hours. Not only because it was cold and raining and blowing so hard you had to wipe the lens of the camera every two minutes. For some strange cosmic reason people kept exiting the hotel all the time so we had to shoot the scene over and over again.

Since then I look at movies in a completely different way. My respect for film directors and the entire ensembles behind films like Lord of the Rings and Titanic is almost religious. I will never ever again say that a movie is bad. Perhaps that story was lousy. But the production is admirable.

Text: Navid Modiri

Required time: 
1 day or less
Cost: 
Free, you actually make money.
Cons: 
You will almost certainly have to wait, freeze and become bored. Someone will probably scream at you, you can get your face sprayed with fake blood and there’s a risk that you could get hurt so be sure to have valid insurance.
Pros: 
You can say: Look! There I am! for two seconds.
25 December 2010

#360 Master a gadget

Manuals and instruction books are for wimps. To buy a new gadget or appliance is fun because you can learn by trial and error. That is why children are so wonderful. They can’t read. They try and fidget until they learn what the machine can do. Or they will find a completely new function for the appliance. A vacuum cleaner can be a tool, a remote control can be a nutcracker and a wash cloth can be used as a dangerous and somewhat deadly weapon when having a water fight.

As soon as I get a new gadget, I get rid of the instruction manual. Then I use the gadget. If its design is smart and user-friendly I’ll learn it quickly. But, if it is unnatural in its design and is constructed in a way that requires you to read through 300 pages before you find the ON button; it’s a crappy product. It's that simple.

Learning how to use new devices can be much more fun than you think if you just give yourself permission to make mistakes. Think about the devices and gadgets in your home or in your friend's home that you don’t understand or can’t operate. Then you decide to learn one of them by using it until it makes sense.

Text: Navid Modiri

Required time: 
1 day or less
Cost: 
Free.
Cons: 
You may break the gadget. You can hurt yourself.
Pros: 
You learn something new. You strengthen your self-esteem and dare to believe in your ability to do new things.
24 December 2010

#359 Outsmart your enemies

Today’s guest blogger is Camilla Orjuela, a peace researcher who in addition to peace is also interested in tango, poetry and life in general.

I think it's the small things that can get to you. If you suffer from a real disaster (losing someone who means everything to you or suffering a serious illness) you go into a kind of "emergency mode" and manage wonderfully in any way even though it cuts like a knife in the heart and you feel like you’ve been kicked into space all alone without wings. It is somewhat different for the small stuff - the things that can trip you in everyday life, which have the power to suddenly get you to sit on a sidewalk sobbing, kicking the wall and leaving marks or screaming at some innocent bystander. You probably know what the triggers are in your life. Perhaps a neighbor's disgusting taste in music is heard through the wall again. Your boss’s annoying voice at staff meetings. Pedestrians who are always in the middle of the bike path when you’re in a rush. The endless "press 1, press 2" while holding for customer support. The things that push us over the line into temporary madness.

For me it was the doors at work. I work at the university. Free thinking and openness, one might think. But no. A nightmare of heavy doors, access cards and codes. To go from the break room to my office with a cup of tea, an evening snack and a pile of articles while getting all the doors open seems more impossible than achieving world peace.

But you can outsmart your enemies. Transform them from evil mood killers to little moments that you fill with something good and useful. I started with an annoying electrical door that opens in slow-motion, slow enough to break you even on your most merry day. I began to kill the time by kicking. Kicking as high as possible (in the air that is) while the door opened. I became better and better at it each time I passed the slow-motion-door. Eventually I found it fun rather than tedious to go through that door.

You can use your little moments for anything. If you’re trying to learn a new language, you can choose a phrase to practice when your enemies show up. Or maybe a song verse you want to get really good at, or a dance move. If you’re religious you can use the time for a small prayer, where you thank God (or any higher power) for how wonderful life is (please specify). If you’re into self-help books an affirmation can be nice (tell yourself how cool and great you are).

After the slow-motion-door I went after the worst and heaviest doors in the stairwells, which squeeze you like the garbage compactor in Star Wars once you’ve finally pried them open. I decided to bend down and touch the floor each time before I try to get through (at least if no one is looking). I hope to become a bit more flexible from this exercise but it also leaves room for a little prayer ("God, I bow before your greatness and thank you for all the doors you give me to open throughout life", or something like it). If you manage to touch the floor, even though you’re carrying a tea cup and a sandwich and reading materials it’ll be a piece of cake to get through that monster of a door. Haha, you have lost the power to break me!

Required time: 
1 week or less
Cost: 
Free.
Cons: 
People may think you are a bit unhinged (but that's exactly what you practicing not to be).
Pros: 
You will be a cooler, happier person who won’t let the little things get to you. As an extra bonus, you can show off a particularly well-rehearsed move in tango or taekwondo, learn some phrases in foreign languages or get closer to God.
23 December 2010

#358 Go on vacation by yourself

It is Christmas Eve 2008 and everyone I know is sitting at home in Sweden with their families watching Donald Duck and waiting for dinner. The candles are lit, the Christmas tree is guarding the presents and the Christmas spirit is spreading like a virus through the living room.

I'm sitting in a hotel room with a green tube of Pringle crisps in one hand and a coke in the other watching Oprah Winfrey. All day the Egyptian waiters have been calling me "cousin" or "brother" and wondered where my wife is. I replied that I have no wife. Then they asked me where my girlfriend is. I replied that she’s back home in Sweden. They asked if we broke up. I replied that I’ve never been more in love with her. Then they turned to each other, looking like question marks.

When the bus drove its load of charter tourists from the airport I saw my fellow passengers looking at me inquiringly. The cleaner in my room as well. Police men on patrol and kiosk owners asked themselves the same question: Was I a pedophile or psychopath? I replied that I was a cheerful 25 year-old guy who’s girlfriend is okay with him leaving two weeks every year to read books, and to let go of all the prestige and expectations.

Text: Navid Modiri

Required time: 
1 week or less
Cost: 
More than €50
Cons: 
You will get a lot of stupid questions. Both in Egypt and at home in Sweden. Be calm and respond with a smile.
Pros: 
You don’t have to go on stupid excursions, you can avoid polite conversation if you want to and you can go to bed and wake up whenever you want.
22 December 2010

#357 Send an important postcard

The theodicy problem is a strange word for an even more complex puzzle: If God is good, how come there’s so much evil in the world? What is even more difficult to understand, is when malicious things are done in the name of God.

Take the story of Pastor Leo in the small congregation of The River in Borås. Pastor Leo managed to persuade one of the parishioners to donate their family farm to the Assembly. Inger envisioned how the estate would be used for youth activities and was promised that she would be able to live in a small, newly built house on the farm. But this isn’t how things worked out. Instead, she’s become a tenant in her own house, having to pay electricity and heat by herself and she was also persuaded to spend close to €15 000 on the purchase of a tractor. Now she regrets that she gave away the farm and is struggling to get it back. But Pastor Leo refuses. "If God tells me to give back the farm, I will, I do it," he said .

A look at the world is enough for us to see that waiting for God to do justice doesn’t always work. Sometimes, we need ordinary people to act. This is where you come in. Proceed as follows: Dig up some old postcards that you never sent from that vacation in 1997, or maybe a free postcard you picked up at a café. Write: "Dear Pastor Leo. I am telling you to return the farm to Inger Hasselgård. Sincerely, God." Put on a stamp and address it to Pastor Leo Hartikainen, The River, Guldbrandsgatan 1, 503 17 Borås, Sweden. If you want you can add a more personal greeting (perhaps one that matches the postcard), for example, "Sunny regards from Ibiza", "Here in Vaggeryd it is a bit gray and overcast" or "Thinking of you".

In addition to the pastor of Borås, there are an awful lot of other people around the world who probably also would need a postcard greeting from you. Leaders of both state and industry who fail to take responsibility for the world's environmental problems. Politicians, presidents and police chiefs who are responsible for having imprisoned activists without a trial, that have attacked journalists, failed to implement laws that protect minorities or authorized torture. Amnesty is an organization that sends a lot of postcards. Check out http://www.amnesty.se/aktivism/kortkampanjen/

Writing postcards isn’t as 20th century as it sounds - it can still be important and make a difference.

/ / 365-editors

Required time: 
1 hour or less
Cost: 
More than €10.
Cons: 
The world might not change at all despite your writing postcards till your hands bleed. Such is often the case. A lot of the time, nothing at all happens when we try to change the world. But don’t forget about the dripping that makes holes in stone. Don’t forget that one little postcard is what creates the difference between apathy and the belief that another world is possible.
Pros: 
By protesting against something that is wrong, you’re making a small, but invaluable effort for creating a better world. In addition, you can finally use all those old unwritten postcards. Maybe Pastor Leo and the Chinese and Zimbabwean politicians have a young relative who collects postcards that might feel great joy from all the strange motives that arrive one by one in the mailbox.
21 December 2010

#356 Arrange the presents yourself

It’s said that Christmas is about giving. We at 365 Things You Can Do feel that Christmas is about doing. Therefore, we are suggesting 10 Christmas gifts you can give away instead of buying new ones.

1. Help out at a homeless shelter - Give someone you love an experience beyond the ordinary. Take them to a shelter on Christmas Eve and help out.

2. Sing-o-gram - Send yourself or someone else to sing and play your friend or loved one’s favorite song.

3. Give away an activity - For Christmas you can invite your friends to go parachute jumping, pet snakes, go horseback riding, box or ice fishing. Try to make it something none of you have done before.

4. Write a poem - if you find it difficult to verbally express what you feel about a person you can always give away a poem. Read some poetry beforehand for inspiration. Or don’t.

5. Buy someone dinner - One Christmas gift could simply be to invite a friend or family member to a fantastic dinner.

6. Give knowledge - Your friend might be the noodle type. Then give them about ten cooking lessons and teach your friend how to cook your specialties.

7. Clean someone's apartment - not everyone likes to clean. Therefore, a day of cleaning can be a perfect gift. Go to a friend’s house with rubber gloves and scrubbing brush and don’t leave until the place is shines. Finish by making a cup of tea as the cherry on top.

8. Organize a surprise party - Gather all the friends of the person in question and arrange a party with snacks, music, dance and drinks. It will be a memory for life.

9. Plant a tree - Nothing says "I love you" like a seed which then becomes a large tree. Therefore, we encourage you to give away a tree for Christmas and after a few years it’ll maybe even start to bear fruit. Then you can give away the fruit.

10. Give away a day with you - Today time is a kind of currency. A lot of people talk about not having time. Give away time for Christmas. A gift card for 8 hours with their son or daughter should be the best present your mom or dad could get.

Text: Navid Modiri

Required time: 
1 day or less
Cost: 
Less than €50
Cons: 
It takes a little longer than buying a Christmas gift.
Pros: 
It’s almost certainly more personal.