Men are a funny breed. Not just because they insist on showing their dicks to each other, or say that they love each other when they’re drunk, but just because they’re a funny race, pure and simple. Not just because of dick related phenomenon like the helicopter and teabagging, but because they are a funny race that constantly have to assert themselves. How many vagina related games or phenomena are there? When I think about it, it is perhaps a shame that there aren’t more of them. It might be more equal if the female gender included as much as genitalia slapstick as the male equivalent appears to. Or that might be sinking to our level. A level where you’re degraded to a funny race that no one really takes seriously because it comprises a bunch of testosterone fueled alpha males who like snuff, hockey and can’t talk about feelings but are good at starting wars, rape and being sad singer-songwriters.

One of the funniest and also the saddest things about the male species is that the majority of all men think all women love to be penetrated. If you ask 100 guys, 90 of them will most likely sure that they:

1. Have given a girl an orgasm through vaginal intercourse.

2. That all the girls they’ve had sex with have enjoyed it.

3. That they are awesome in bed.

With all due respect to the 90 guys, I won’t formulate the truthful reply. Let’s just put it this way: That’s probably not entirely accurate.

One of the best things that happened to me was when I got stopped during sex once and heard the words: No, do this instead. It’s a lot nicer. At first I was pissed. I was angry because I couldn’t show her my moves. But I did as she said, and suddenly everything was different. It sounded and seemed to me that she was actually enjoying it. Since then I’ve always tried to find out how this applies in real life and also telling others exactly how I want it. I mean, what if I were to be penetrated by a girl during sex and then had to pretend to like it. How would that feel?

Text: Navid Modiri