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12 November 2010

#316 Resolve a conflict

When you’re in school, you learn the multiplication tables, you learn the names of rivers, chemical formulas and the Swedish kings who raped their wives and a handful of noble women. But what they don’t teach you how to prepare for, how to manage and move on from a conflict. You can’t dig in your tool box after a wrench that fits the conflict-nut to loosen it a bit. It’s wound too tight. Dealing with a conflict has become too big of a thing. We have passed the stage of being afraid of conflict: instead, now we recede in angst over conflicts.

Most people would rather get in the tub with a toaster than to go over to the neighbor and in a nice way ask them to lower their radio. But it doesn’t need be so difficult. It doesn’t have to be the end. I’m giving you a handful of simple tips to ease your conflicting.

1. Formulate the problem:

a) Why has the conflict arisen?

b) How can you resolve the conflict?

c) How do you avoid it from happening again?

2. Get in touch with the person in question and suggest that you should meet on neutral ground. Perhaps go for a walk so that it won’t be so stuffy.

3. Prepare yourself by having a stress-free hour before you meet. Try to focus on that you want to solve the problem and not that you should scold the person. There is a big difference.

4. Tell the person exactly how you feel and ask how he or she feels. It is okay to be angry. It is okay if the other party gets angry. It is okay to cry. It is okay if the other party starts crying.

5. Find a way to move forward. Forgive each other. Do not FORGET. By nature man doesn’t FORGET. It is an intellectual invention. Children's moods though shift every five minutes. Try to be childish.

Text: Navid Modiri

Required time: 
1 day or less
Cost: 
Free
Cons: 
It can be emotionally challenging and also be scary. But it is not dangerous.
Pros: 
It will feel better when you've gotten to scream, cry, say what you have on your heart, forgive and move on with your life than to have an unresolved conflict hanging over your shoulder.
Taggar: reconciliation, neutral ground, fear, death anxiety, conflict, coffee, anger, 365 things you can do
16 March 2010

#75 Shout out your anger

Shout. Let it all out.

Shout. Let it all out.

I've always been afraid of people who dare to really be angry. Crying when they hit their toes against a threshold, raising their voice or slamming doors when the football team they cheer for is omitted from the headlines. It’s because I don’t. I shrug and move on. With a silly smile thinking that there’s no point in getting angry.

Fuck that.

For the same reason that it’s important to shout out joy, sadness and other feelings, you should obviously cry out your anger too. Then there are those who get angry over just about anything. But those people usually have a screw or two loose.

Then there are those who scream on stage. Hardcore Bands, metal bands, screamo. I love it. I have listened to screaming singers since I was 14. My father thought I was sick in the head. Listening to Raised Fist and reading Stephen King. Not exactly two parents' first choice of popular culture for a fourteen-year old. But I still have respect for singers that stand on stage, screaming so hard that their veins pop out. The best in Gothenburg is of course Peter Dolving. When he gets on stage and spews his poison, I get quiet. I move away from the concert and fly straight into bed. Falling asleep like a child. Next time I’m going to be the one hitting their toe in the threshold screaming so loud all of Masthugget will wake up.

Bonus: http://www.myspace.com/thehaunted

Required time: 
One-half minutes of shouting and a few minutes to breathe it away.
Cost: 
The hearing of your friends and loved ones.
Cons: 
People around you may become frightened. You might scream yourself hoarse. Beware the vocal cords and throat.
Pros: 
Instead of pushing aside your emotions so that they express themselves in the form of panic- or anxiety-attacks or explosive anger in the face of someone who doesn’t deserve it, you will be angry with the right person, then the threshold.
Taggar: The Haunted, screaming, anger management, anger