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courage

17 December 2010

#351 Write a love letter

There are a bunch of people in the world who would say that they were born with a certain talent. Some of them call themselves, and each other, poets and writers. Just to keep others out. It's bullshit. Anyone can write. But to get good at it, you need to practice. Get up early and sit in your chair, stop whining and write. Here are: Seven things you can write.

The best love letter I ever wrote was a hate mail. I had met a girl who was a few years older than me and I had fallen head over heels in love with her. She was complicated, nuanced and had been through things I hadn’t been. I adored her and her uncompromising integrity. I thought she was absolutely magical. And based on the classic cosmic rules she hurt me over and over again by dumping me. After the tenth time I had had enough. My torso was minced meat from all the knife blows. So I decided not to try again.

Instead, I sat down and wrote a long letter to her about all the things that she wouldn’t know about me. All the things she wouldn’t get to hear me tell. Everything she would miss out on when she kept dumping me time and time again. I told her my two favorite colors. I told her about my aunt who set fire to herself to escape her husband's beatings and the two children who remained in their father's violent (lack of) care. I talked about how my parents met. About my nightmares as a child. About my nightmares as an adult. I told her about the obsessive thought I have as to which chair to sit in when I walk into a room. I told her that I had broken my hand twice. And that I hate penicillin.

All this I wrote in a letter. I didn’t dare send it to her. Instead, I formulated the beginning of the letter so that I could read it to her answering machine. I sat next to the phone and found the courage to call. My hands were totally sweaty. My body shook and I was one second from calling her. I held the phone in my hand when it began to vibrate. Her name appeared on the screen.

I answered.

It was quiet.

- Sorry, she said.

Then we started from scratch. I told her that she couldn’t keep behaving like that. She apologized again. Then we moved in together. Then she proposed. Then she gave birth to our daughter.

Text: Navid Modiri

Required time: 
1 week or more
Cost: 
Free.
Cons: 
It might have the completely opposite effect. You might get turned down. You can embarrass yourself. You can get even more hurt. You can feel like shit.
Pros: 
You may get the ones you love to realize that they love you.
19 November 2010

#323 Hide refugees

When I was two years old my parents gathered everything we owned and sold it. With the money they bought bus tickets to Turkey and exchanged the rest to American dollars. Through Turkey, Poland and Germany we went to Sweden. The first stop was Trelleborg, where we stayed in a refugee camp. My mom bought cigarettes at the convenience store and learned Swedish verbs while my father played chess against one of Saddam's former generals. Naturally, I tried to sleep despite having nightmares of shelter and bombers that looked like dragonflies.

Trelleborg became Moheda became Nässjö became Karlstad. We moved between more cities than you have fingers on your hands but ultimately landed in Gothenburg. My parents decided to buy an expensive condominium, and several broken skateboards, broken hearts, written poems and pizzas later, I’m sitting writing about how it came to be that I moved to the land of cold, hard bread and Melodifestivalen. When my cousins talk about Sweden it sounds like a utopian and ultra-democratic paradise. I usually respond that it’s good but that it rains a lot in Gothenburg. What I don’t mention is how people hide in basements and attics. People who took the same bus from their countries, crossed the border and smoked the same type of cigarettes in anger at the same refugee camps. People who are now hiding because they are afraid of being sent back to their home countries where they would be stoned, murdered, maimed, tortured and mentally abused because they somehow don’t fit in.

When I was 26, I sang with my band at a school in a municipality that didn’t want to receive 30 unaccompanied refugee children. I was pissed at their parents while I at the same time wanted to be a positive energy to the students. They can’t be held accountable for their parents' racist attitudes.

After the gig at the school there was a big group of students who came up to us in the band and shook our hands, hugged and thanked us for playing for them. I smiled in secret, thinking that I live in a wonderful country. A country that has capabilities and resources. A country where a dark haired immigrant can come to Sweden as a refugee to then play music in Swedish to several hundred blonde and blue-eyed kids that understand every word I sing. Sweden is magical. Help show it.

Bonus – “No man is illegal” is working to create a new asylum policy. http://www.ingenillegal.org/

Text: Navid Modiri

Required time: 
1 week or more
Cost: 
More than €50
Cons: 
The police can come and knock on your door and look for someone but it’s not illegal to hide refugees. It is illegal to hide, but if you’re helping a child or family get shelter and food for the day you’re doing nothing wrong. On the contrary.
Pros: 
You help a neighbor in need and most likely the victims of structural inequality and a skewed system.