When you’re in school, you learn the multiplication tables, you learn the names of rivers, chemical formulas and the Swedish kings who raped their wives and a handful of noble women. But what they don’t teach you how to prepare for, how to manage and move on from a conflict. You can’t dig in your tool box after a wrench that fits the conflict-nut to loosen it a bit. It’s wound too tight. Dealing with a conflict has become too big of a thing. We have passed the stage of being afraid of conflict: instead, now we recede in angst over conflicts.
Most people would rather get in the tub with a toaster than to go over to the neighbor and in a nice way ask them to lower their radio. But it doesn’t need be so difficult. It doesn’t have to be the end. I’m giving you a handful of simple tips to ease your conflicting.
1. Formulate the problem:
a) Why has the conflict arisen?
b) How can you resolve the conflict?
c) How do you avoid it from happening again?
2. Get in touch with the person in question and suggest that you should meet on neutral ground. Perhaps go for a walk so that it won’t be so stuffy.
3. Prepare yourself by having a stress-free hour before you meet. Try to focus on that you want to solve the problem and not that you should scold the person. There is a big difference.
4. Tell the person exactly how you feel and ask how he or she feels. It is okay to be angry. It is okay if the other party gets angry. It is okay to cry. It is okay if the other party starts crying.
5. Find a way to move forward. Forgive each other. Do not FORGET. By nature man doesn’t FORGET. It is an intellectual invention. Children's moods though shift every five minutes. Try to be childish.
Text: Navid Modiri
Required time:
1 day or less
Cons:
It can be emotionally challenging and also be scary. But it is not dangerous.
Pros:
It will feel better when you've gotten to scream, cry, say what you have on your heart, forgive and move on with your life than to have an unresolved conflict hanging over your shoulder.
